Wednesday, August 09, 2006


***To the readers of all ages.... I apologize for my lacking of posts but I had a spank of the hand for being on here during "company time" but I will be sneaking around to better support my readers. Thanks for your patience and enjoy a good laugh.***
This was a bor-dumb day and this is what happens when 3 techies get bored. The momma jokes start flying around. Enjoy! I know I did.

A: If I get a call you want me to conference you in
M:lol thats funny. yeah conference me in
A: did you mom let you play with clorax bottles when you were a kid
M:no we didnt have clorax we had Ajax
M:it was great
A: ‘c’ said that you thought the pool shocker tabs were pez when you were a kid
M:not i sold them to him as crack. wow i totally understand him now
A: ‘c’ said you took your mom to dinner and they didn't give her a menu they gave her an estimate
C. has been added to the conversation.
A: hey pork belly
A: i mean pork chop
M:of course but did he say about his mom. when we went on a date she wanted to go to a chinese buffet and there was like 30 little asian people screaming "Go on diet!!! we broke cause U!!!! Go way!!!" so before i could pull her away with the truck of bananas she ate all of them poor asian people. It was sick
C: how original, monkey jokes from a ape
M:what can i say. she eats anything. she even thinks monster truck tires are licourish flavored lifesavers
A: he tolde me that your mom has more chins than a chinese phonebook
M:wow thats original
C: last i saw pc's mom, she was going back into hibernation somewhere off the coast of japan
C: i guess after her battle with tokyo she was a bit tired
C: poor asian community, still in fear of her large scally tail
C: and huge feet
M:its cool. he is made because i got his mom working as a earth mover with her jaw. its kinda like the flintstones but his mom instead of a dinosaur
C: need a belt grinder just to get the fungi off her toenails
C: tell your mom i said congrats on her new job with the construction company, chewing up concrete bypasses and stomping out tar
A: most people go to the track to lose weight, but now they just jog around her
C: fat woman jumped in the air and got stuck
M:thats way too far to jog. not even lance armstrong made it halfway around her
A: one day she was at the beach and a whale came up singing that song "We are family"
C: sure it was a whale and not the lockness monster looking for her mommy?
M:thats alright your momma was floating around in the ocean and france claimed her as new land
C: it wasn't france it was spain asshole
C: get your history straight
A: I seen your mom kicking a can one day and I asked her what she was doing she said I'm moving
C: yo mommas gums are so black she spits oil
A: has left the conversation.
C: ‘a’ got scared lol
M:you mommas back is so nasty with gang green and pennicilin it looks like a football field
M:apparently so
M:funny he reopened another IM
C: lol
M:i am still bashing him now though
M:yo mommas lungs r so well used that when she sneezed she causes a tsunami
A: Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks
A: Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
M:weak.!!! yo momma so fat that she ate the whole in the ozone
A: Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
M:hey tell yo momma that she needs to move her head so the ozone whole will have a chance to fill back up
A: Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
A: Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
A: Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
M:yo momma is so dumb she climbed over a glass wall just to see on the other side
A: Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
M:eeewww thats good
M:yo momma is so stupid when i tell the dog to sit she plays dead
A: Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!
M:yo momma so poor she cant even earn enough to be classified as poor
A: Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
A: Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
M:no that wasn't a popsicle stick... it was chris
A: Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
M:yo momma is so old she has god's beeper number

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Senile .... They probably are!!!

Welcome back boys and girls for the new adventure of P.C.'s World. On today's episode P.C. has found a new peak of interest, the PS2 game GOD OF WAR !!!!! (Click on the link if you don't already know) Today is definitely going to be a interesting episode. Lets move in on some upcoming action.....
*Aargh, smack, smack, AAAHHH, smack, smack, Ugh, smack, smack, "By the Gods, You are seriously UGLY", EAAARRGH, smack, smack, smack, smack,-swish-, smack, smack, smack,-swish-, smack, smack*; *Ring* ; now there is silence as P.C. has paused the game in the middle of the ugliest monster beating that he has seen and hears the phone ring.. "Thanks for choosing ____ . How many I help you?". There was silence for just a moment and then P.C. hears, " I can't see my screen!!! Do you have it??". As P.C. is hearing the voice his head begins to pound on the desk very vigorously, because he knows that he has an elderly woman on the phone and she must have forgotten her glasses and dentures somewhere. As P.C. composes himself and allows the room to stop spinning he replies to the CONSUMER, "No mam I do not have your screen, you do!" then there was a retourt that did not sit well with P.C. " If you don't have it and I can't see it....Well then I want another computer!". *SIGH* comes from P.C. as he listens to the load of ignorant bliss that this CONSUMER is living in! Finally, P.C. realizes he is missing his game and needs to get the CONSUMER off his phone. "Listen, MAM it is impossible to not see the screen unless it is turned off and there is no way I would want, much less take your screen so you can not have another computer but you can explain to me what you are trying to convey to me and I can explain what you are doing wrong!!" "*Gasp* Well I already told you that I can't see my screen!! What else do you need to know?!?!" stated the CONSUMER. P.C. replies, "Well first off did you turn the computer on???". CONSUMER replies in such a way P.C. had to place the CONSUMER on hold and play his game for a few moments before returning. CONSUMER replied as such: "Yes, I plugged it in and it did not turn on the screen. That's all I am suppose to do!!" then the fast reply from P.C. "Please hold! Thanks!". As we pan away for a brief moment for the sack of the children watching P.C. begins to rant and rave along with carelessly tossing about paper work and then realizes that his game is still paused! He then begins to calm down and focus solely on defeating this ugly thing. As he completes the @$$ beating that he just gave the ugly creature that he voustoursly calls his roommates mom, and remembers that the old lady was still on the phone. As he turned toward the phone, praying she hung up, he notices that the light is still blinking... *SIGH*. "Thanks for holding! Ok, this is how we fix this. Do you see that little button on the top that has a circle with a line through it....Ok push it once...It's coming on??... Ok thanks for choosing ____. Have a good day!!!!" P.C. now takes a large swollow of AMP and turns back to GOD OF WAR!..

Thursday, May 18, 2006

A Classic!!!

Welcome back ladies and germs, to the Wonderful World of P.C.. This is where every the torcher of hell becomes reality!!! Every computer technicians worst nightmare! Welcome. On today's episode we will go back a few years and experience what started the sedistic aspects of a technicians nightmare. BOFH (there are links there for furtherenjoyment).


The good thing about the New Year is that past differences are put behind oneself and the year's started with a clean slate. Everything's that little bit nicer and you get the feeling that in some small way you're contributing to the ongoing goodwill of the workplace. True, my attempts and maintaining a positive outlook in previous years have failed dismally but this time I'll really give it a go... >Ring ring< "Hi, you're talking with Simon from Systems and Networks!" I gush cheerfully."Why's my machine running so slow?" the user asks, skipping the social niceties. Detecting the subtle undertones of a problem I decide - in the spirit of geeky glasnost - to do my best to help."What do you mean by slow?" I ask. "Does it take a long time to wake up, or is it slow all the time?" "It's just slow. It was fine yesterday but it's slow today," he replies. I... can do this! On attempting to access the machine I notice that it IS taking an exceptional amount of time to connect - and when it does the data rate's similar to that of remote desktop over acoustic coupler... "You're not... doing anything on the network are you?" "No." "Not browsing or downloading anything?" "No." "Well I've connected to your machine and can't see anything TOO unusual running." "You connected to my machine?" "Yes." "How?" "Remote administration." "But you don't know my password?" "But I do know the Domain administrator password - and your machine is a member of the Domain." "But it's my machine - surely you need to get my permission first?" I feel the stirring of the Dark side, but suppress it quickly!! "TECHNICALLY it's the COMPANY'S machine, and I was accessing it in the resolution of your problem, not out of idle curiosity." "Oh, I see. Well what happens now?" "I'll just have a closer look at the network traffic to check on a couple of processes..." >clickety< "Ah." "Yes?" the user asks. "Get an iPod for Christmas did you?" "Yyyess, why?" "And you loaded all the music off your home machine into it?" "Yes." "And then you copied all the music onto your desktop?" "Well, yes - I want to save the battery for commuting." "Uhuh. And then you told all your workmates about the 30 gig of music you'd just put into a public share on your desktop?" "Oh one of them wanted to get a copy of one of the songs I..." "About 20 of them are currently getting copies of all your songs." "Oh." "Yes, and the added impact would be the backup you're running. Why'd you be backing up your music to the backup server?" "Oh, in case I lose it!!!" "So you're worried about it being lost from your desktop machine?" "Yes." "When you could put it all back from your iPod - or failing that off your home machine via your iPod - or failing that your fellow worker's machines - or failing that the original media - or the backup DVDs you've probably written at home?" "Yeah, but that's a hassle." Nnnnngggg! "I see, well I don't think there's a lot of help I can give you apart from >clickety<>clickety<>
This ladies and germs is just one experience that has gotten any computer technician through the day. I know it has helped me. Well boys and girls Or-ev-wah or however you spell it.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Dreams are not coming true today! ...

Welcome Ladies and Gents!!! Back to the wonderful world of the P.C.!!! On today's episode kids we are going to watch P.C. deal with ignorant consumers .... FOR 8 HOURS!!!! .. I think we just may see some action today! Lets watch as the story unfolds ... (screen pans left) P.C. is watching the X-Men 3 clip for the 172nd time this morning and suddenly... *Bing* ... It's a CONSUMER!!!! OH NO kids what is he going to do?!?!?! "Thank you for chooseing ___ ____ . How may I help you?" P.C. says in such a wonderful voice because he forgot that he was at work and though he was answering his cell phone in the movies, watching X-Men 3. Consumer says, "You SUCK!!! You $@#%ing piece of $&*^, I just bought this computer from you and it doesn't work!!!". As P.C. is snaping back into reality that he is at work, the anger of someone yelling at him for a poorly made product that he does not make himself rises. He takes a deep breath, that was quite audible, and proceeds to keep his job, at least for the moment. "I hate to hear that you are not satisfied with your new computer, but let me understand what you are having trouble with.". Consumer replies, "I already told you what my problem was! It's the ____ computer!!". As the frustration builds P.C. is thinking about how to ensure this consumer does not call back. "Ok let me understand what the problem is ... Your computer does not work.? Alright, does it power on?" states P.C.. Consumer acknowledges no. P.C. replies, "Ok, do you have the power cord plugged in along with the battery?" consumer replies in sheer shock and amzement "What's that?". The reply from P.C. was as good as his facial expression " ... Are you serious??", consumer at this time gets very quite and the picture of the consumer in P.C.'s mind looks
something like this
and what he would like to do right now to the Consumer looks something like this , but he chooses to inform the Consumer and give them one last chance to redeem theirself. P.C. advises the Consumer, "The power cord that connects from the wall to the computer to give it power and the battery holds a charge so you don't have to keep it plugged in all the time. This is why it's called a portable.". Although this was to be believed that the Consumer would understand that lingo but to the unsurprise of P.C. it was not. This is why, the Consumer replied as such, "Oh those things! That wasn't to extra parts because I am using the long block thing to level my trailer and one of the cords are keeping my roof together and the other one is being used as a leash for my pet duck Sallie Mae". P.C. had heard enough and he knew then what must be done! This rang in P.C.'s head just like the sound of the jeopardy song timing down to what excitement laid ahead. "Ok, not a problem, this issue can easily be resolved!!" P.C. says with a large smile of his face and an upbeat tone in his voice. "It's very simple actually! It just take a little effort. Here is what I want you to do! You will need a corn syrup, duct tape, and a phone book. Now take the phone book and rip out the pages and place them around the computer with a small hole in the top and then pour the corn syrup in through the hole and once completed duct tape the entire thing and shake it. Got that? good! Once completed then take it out side and sit it in the sun for one week so the sunlight will charge the corn syrup and now you have a solar power portable computer!! Now after a week take it out and plug up the power cord to the system and turn it on to jump start it and your done. One thing though is that you can only use it in the sun being that it is solar powered. Ok? Got it?". As the Consumer performed these initial steps he is thanking P.C. for being so good and helping him out so much. P.C. then performs the call closing and tells the Consumer to enjoy his new solar powered portable computer and disconnects the call. Now the call is ended P.C. now feels a large amount of gratification and continues the paused X-Men 3 video clip and sigh's "It's a good day!"

Tune in next time boys and girls at the same P.C. channel and the same P.C. time for P.C.'s World!!!!!!! (cheesy recorded audience clap now in background with fading screen!!)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

X-Men 3

WOW!!! Righteous !!! I just watched a 7 minute clip that the man exclusively has and this is going to be probably the best X-Men movie yet! The graphics look awesome and the plot along with the battle scenes are extravegent!!! I actually forgot that I was at work while watching it, cust was on hold and everything... LOL! Well this lady will not stop repeating everything I say and I am Tech Connected so I might just pull a BOFH on her ass!!! Oh if I do not return for a while that means I won the lotto tonight and used a super-soaker filled woth corn syrup at work after I took 5 calls that I got to say everything that every tech support agent wants to say ... "YOUR A %$#@ing IDIOT!!!!", " send the computer back!! better yet wrap it in duct tape and sit on it.. buns toasty yet?? good and thanks for choosing _____"!!! then I would fly to Manhattan to buy my two cars ..
the Murcielago Roadster
and the Saleen S7 .
I will fly myself and my friend Chris to Manhattan and make a quick road trip or just have the Saleen S7 delivered and drive the Lamborghini back down here.. Haven't quite decided on that yet. LOL. It will be great!! Well off to school I go and to all a good night!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Do I still hear the tunes???

Well belated mother's day to all and hope is was good for you as it was for me. Visited my mother and grandmother for a while and then ate large amounts of food!! Namely a two pound hamburger from Red's Barbeque and a really large bowl of seafood gumbo!!! from the Schooner!!! I literally stuffed myself til I hurt. It was quite wonderful. Well I am claming that i am going to win the lotto tomorrow (it's 96 million), I spent 10 bucks on it but I really should have spent 20 and mega plyed it but 96 million is plenty for me!!! Well there's my weekend.

OMG I have a question for all! When someone asks you to tell you the name of a wireless router that you are attempting to connect to, would you say SSID and I dont see another name? Dear god why do consumers not understand??! It kills me to think we as a culture are this stupid. Gees. It should not be a surprise due to most calls that I take are usually from the Mid-east or Southern states. In-breeds I guess???

Thursday, May 11, 2006

All about PC

friends and crazy ones! Welcome to the wild and crazy world of the P.C.! Today's episode is exciting! Why you ask? Well let me tell you. I am a crony of the man and forwarding my life by the school of DeVry for gaming simulation and programming!!!! Yeah!!! This way i get paid to sit on my hump and play my creations!!! Its exstubulous!!! Well back to crony-ville for me now. Tune in to the next episode at the same bat time on the same bat channel.